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Archive for December, 2009

Recovering Grace

Quite a while ago, I started reading Thomas Moore’s Care of the Soul.  A particular part caught me spot on: he was talking about acceptance of ourselves and others’ follies in life as part of life’s journey and to welcome them as any other part of ourselves (more or less).  I took special note on that day since I had recently suffered quite a public humiliation and was having trouble letting go of what a disgrace I had made of myself in such a visible sphere.  To this day, recalling in detail this particular episode of faux pas, I recoil.  However, as they say, time heals most wounds and today it’s not as bad as it was last year.  Flash forward to the present and my most recent foible.  Thankfully it was in the presence of good friends who are forgiving and graceful.  However, because of this most recent tactless expression-and its generally good outcome-I find myself in a position of forgiveness.  Twofold.  First I’m forgiving myself occasional public humiliations and hope that my loved ones can do the same.  And, because I want others to do the same, I am “paying it forward” and hoping that others who slight me or perform such an unfortunate event in my presence can feel my forgiveness of us both.  I will never recover grace fully, and perhaps I will not humiliate myself any less often that I already do, but by offering forgiveness to myself and those around me, I hope to achieve one more morsel of grace.

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I find New Year’s resolutions trite.  They usually involve frivolous things such as weight loss and vacation time.  I’m not interested in that type of resolution.  However, it happened that I found inspiration and motivation at this time of year, so I’m going with it.  I find myself resenting some of my personality traits as I navigate being a stay-at-home mama, attachment parent and wannabe home- and unschooler.  I want more things for myself, my family and our life.  Such as limitless time and patience.  That’s an easy order, right?  Well, armed with a couple of new books and a list of more I’d like to consult, I’m embarking on a way to be more and better.  More disciplined with money and sustainability.  More patient and creative.  More present.  More easygoing.  A better mama, partner, community member and activist.  I’m excited to share ideas and thoughts with you and am even more excited to hear from you.  Here we go!

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